I loved this book.
Catherine Newman’s Sandwich is, in short, the story of a family’s annual trip to the Cape Cod coast for their summer vacation. Empty nesters Rocky and Nick are there with their two just-barely-adult children, Jamie and Willa, and Jamie’s girlfriend Maya. Mid-week, as always, Rocky’s parents join them for two nights.
Rocky is a woman completely overwhelmed by her love for her family. She basks in the joy of these complicated, beautiful creatures, while also nursing the pain of past trauma and “anticipatory grief” for the loss she’ll inevitably experience in the future. This is a trait I absolutely love about Newman’s writing, and it was brimming over in We All Want Impossible Things, too: the mothers in her stories delight in their children.
So much of what we see in movies, books, social media, etc. focuses on the challenge teens present. And I think this is especially true in Christian literature, to be honest. Teens are full of problems we need to fix, behaviors we need to hone, threats we need to quell. But in Newman’s books, teenagers are a joy, a delight, a gift. We need more of this perspective, I think.
Like any family, this one has arguments and disagreements and secrets—some really big ones. But I loved the way they communicated in these moments. When one character ends up in the ER and it’s determined that she’s going to be okay, the grandfather says:
“I told you the beach was too hot,” he says, “or I thought it at least and I was right.” I pull away from him and say, “Dad. Let’s not jump right to the blaming part. Let’s linger awhile in relief and gratitude.”
“Yes,” he says and shakes his head. “Yes, I’m sorry. It’s not anybody’s fault. I’m just concerned.”
How lovely is that?
Ultimately, Sandwich is about motherhood. About caring for others. About doing everything you can, all the time, to make sure those you love are happy and close and alive and know they’re loved. Rocky never isn’t thinking about her family, never isn’t worrying about them. But she’s also trying to process some of her own past decisions, and the impact they have on her life now. She’s going through a lot, and I love how Newman poignantly captures that aspect of motherhood where you’ve done your absolute best to make everything good for your family, sometimes in impossible circumstances, and your nearly adult children find your efforts hilarious. There’s a sad nostalgia that’s brimming over with love in the way she describes these interactions, leaving you feeling seen in your invisibility—and that’s okay. They love you still.
“‘Just leave them at the bottom of the path,’ you said. You said, ‘Nobody’s going to steal your flip-flops!'”
“I did say that.”
“And what happened?”
“Somebody stole your flip-flops.”
“Exactly,” she says, satisfied. We call this style of childhood nostalgia the catalogue of grievances.
“Ooh, are we reminiscing about Mama’s failures?” Nick says cheerfully.
I mean, you do your best, right? And sometimes it doesn’t work out. And it becomes the family joke…and you carry on because you know they love you.
At the end of the book, the family is going around the table, sharing their favorite moments. And they forget to ask Rocky what her favorite moment is. It’s heartbreaking, but she’s okay because they’re “all together and alive.”
I fear I’ve focused a bit too much on the serious aspects of the book, because it’s really quite funny and I did laugh quite a bit while reading it. I think the thing is this: the sad parts are okay because Rocky is okay with them. The good and the bad are hand-in-hand. It’s hard, but they have each other so it’s okay. They love each other. They’re going to stick with each other, even when they’ve hurt each other. This book is a celebration of the present moment, living and loving as fully as you possibly can.
Get your copy of Sandwich by Catherine Newman
Trigger Warnings: miscarriage, abortion
I’m pre-ordering Wreck by Catherine Newman too: It’s two years later with Rocky’s family. “A deeply moving story of laughter and heart, about family, marriage and what happens when life doesn’t go as planned.”
Spilled Milk 